Why Knowing Your Core Values Can Transform Your Life

In our day to day life, we tend to be on autopilot mode and over time, we may even lose a sense of who we are. There are times when we suddenly get a jolt of “what the hell am I doing with my life” moments which can propel us into action. Think new year’s resolutions and when we have birthdays that end in 9 (you know, 29, 39, 49 and so forth). Suddenly, we are faced with the dawning of a new year and a new decade looming in the not-so-distant horizon. We often ask ourselves, have we done anything worthwhile with our lives? These are difficult questions to ask, but during these times, more important questions to ask are what our values are and whether we are living by them.

What are values

According to the author Russ Harris, values are “how we want to be, what we want to stand for, and how we want to relate to the world around us.” Values form the foundation of who we are as people and they are integral to what we want to pursue in life. We can have many values that help us guide our decisions and behaviours but we tend to have a core set of values that we refer to repeatedly.

When Values Conflict

In most instances of our lives, we may have opposing values that can put us in conflict internally. For example, you may value tradition in terms of your family and community, but yet at the same time you also value your self-direction or feel compelled to march to the beat of your own drums. If your goals are aligned with both values then there is no issue. However, sometimes your goals may conflict with each other in terms of values. Perhaps your parents have always wanted you to become a lawyer but you have always wanted to be an artist. On one hand, you want to honour your parents’ wishes but also want to follow your dreams. Which one do you go for in the end? The reality is that many of us will try and honour our parents’ or indeed, society’s goals for us and quash our own dreams because that will seem like the “right” path.

Value Alignment

However, if we choose to align with our values, we experience a sense of authenticity and thus enjoy a higher sense of subjective wellbeing and higher self-esteem. It’s not to say that the only right way is to follow your dream and only that. One value may not necessarily more important than the other. Both are your values, however, they may weigh differently in terms of overall meaning. However, reality is sometimes not as simple as choosing one over the other straight away.  After all, you could also enjoy being a lawyer and perhaps you are quite good at it. What if, you could simply create art as a hobby or as a side business. We are never just one thing. So how can you design your life in a way that lets you align with your core values?

Other ways our values influence our life

Our values can also dictate other parts of our life such as how we decide where to live, and whom we choose to date and marry. For example, if you value your ambitions, then naturally you would be intentional about how you carve out your career. If you want to be become a professor for example, you should first aim for a PHD in a high-ranking university. If you value starting your own family then dating someone who have no intentions to marry nor have kids may be…a problem..

We don’t tend to ask people we have just met what their values are but yet we tend to focus on the values of companies we deal with such as the companies we buy from. For example, with fashion labels, we may be concerned about whether they use child labour or whether they meet safe environmental standards. We are concerned with whether they value ethics over profits or the other way round. I wonder if first dates would be quite different if people focused on values rather than what they do for work.

Your Values Over a Lifetime

Our values are not fixed over the course of our lifetime. For example, what we value in our 20s such as adventure and new experiences may not be what we value in our 40s. As researchers have found, our personality traits can change over time especially with life transitions such as marriage, divorce, illness of a loved one, birth of a child etc. Similarly, our values evolve over time as well, especially after a transitiontional period. This is why even though you might feel like you know yourself quite well, it may be a good idea to rediscover your core values from time to time.

I am sure that in some moments of your life, you have found yourself feeling stuck, unfulfilled and wanting to change your life or at least certain parts of your life. That’s what we do as humans, we find ways to grow, and we want to create changes in our lives. It may seem very overwhelming at first to look at life and decide what and how to change your life. However, I encourage you to begin with your values as they inform the decisions you should make

How to Reconnect With Your Core Values

If you’re feeling stuck, lost, or unfulfilled, start by reconnecting with your values. Here’s a simple process:

1. Reflect on your past experiences. Think of moments when you felt alive, proud, angry, or fulfilled. Look for recurring themes—these are clues to your values.
2. Choose your top five values. If you’re struggling, use a list of common values and circle the ones that resonate most with you.
3. Check alignment. Ask yourself: Am I living in alignment with these values? Where am I out of sync?
4. Take action. Small steps matter. Aligning your daily choices with your values leads to greater authenticity and fulfilment.

Why It Matters

When you know your values, you stop chasing society’s version of success and start creating your own. You make career, relationship, and lifestyle choices that reflect who you really are—not who you think you should be.

If you’re ready to start, download my Find Your Core Values Guide—a simple, step-by-step resource to help you discover what truly drives you. Get your guide below. 👇