“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you think about what defines you today, as a person, what comes to your mind?

Most of us define ourselves by what we do for a living as in our jobs or the roles we play in other people’s lives: being a spouse, being a parent, a son or daughter, a sibling or caretaker. Some of us also define ourselves by the causes we stand for such as being a philanthropist, humanitarian or freedom fighter. At the end of the day, there are many ways we define ourselves but what are we really buying into when we define ourselves a certain way?

Two identities

Typically, identities fall under two major categories: interpersonal and ideological.

Ideological based identities tend to be based on believing in a cause or professional careers such as being an entrepreneur, making a name for themselves in an industry and typically men have these identities.

Interpersonal based identities on the other hand tend to be focused on relationships between people and typically these identities include roles such as being a caregiver like a mum or a daughter for her elderly parents. Not surprisingly, these identities are usually adopted by women.

But I think there are more ways to define a person than these two categories. Just labelling people as these two categories implies that an individual does not have anything else in their lives other than going to work and taking care of people.

We are multi-dimensional

In today’s society, where gender roles are increasingly blurred, men have also undertaken roles of caring for their loved ones and women are also making huge strides in the professional space.

If you think about yourself again, would you say that you are more than your professional designation is on your business card? Would you also say that you are more than just a parent?

Of course you are.

We are all multi-dimensional and what defines us is the combination of different aspects of us. What we choose to identify with however gives us a little clue about how we truly feel inside.

If you identify as a caregiver for example, this role provides you with the ability to satisfy your desire to be needed and is aligned with how you view yourself i.e. you are a caring person, or being a good parent. If you identify with being an entrepreneur, you might see yourself as innovative or a problem solver or perhaps you enjoy leading people to your cause.

You are not just a trait

When most people think about what defines them other than work and responsibilities, many think about traits and many people identify with negative traits such as “I am lazy” or “I am a procrastinator”.

The underlying premise beneath these statements are fears and doubts cropping up and masquerading as justifiable reasons for not doing things out of our comfort zone. After all, you can’t be mad at yourself if you are just being who you are right?

The mistake however, lies in letting these statements define us all of the time. Truth is, we simply aren’t a trait all of the time. We can’t be disciplined all the time so why assume that we are lazy all of the time? We aren’t smart all the time and neither are we stupid all the time.

You are not your past

Some of us also let our past define us, we think about the person we were, the things we used to do and the mistakes we made and think that is the person we are today. The same person who will fail, who are not motivated, who are not smart and who will not amount to anything. You are not that person anymore. You are who you are today, this moment. Free to choose your actions and change the course of your life.

Who you are and what you do today defines you.

We all have underling desires and wants that propel our behaviour, the key is noticing how they play out in your life.

What defines you today?